Memories
by MelodysSing
Summary: Between the job, the family and the fiance, Bella's life couldn't get better. She always thought she had everything... until one day she didn't.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Wow.. So I went missing for about a year. RL can kick your ass sometimes, ya know? Anyway, I was reading over this story and I can't help but continue it..for good this time, I promise! I'm editing and re-posting the previous chapters. I would LIKE to give you a time frame for when I'll be posting, but commitment is scary and I can't promise it will be the same every time…. I also don't like super long AN's so… Here we go! Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to SM, I just steal them to have my horribly wicked way with them from time to time. **

**PROLOGUE**

**Love.**

All kinds.

There's the burn of lust that turns and simmers into adoration.

There's the new, the first, the friends.

The family you would do anything for….

... and then there's **LOVE.**

It knocks you off your feet so quickly, that you aren't sure how you were ever able to stand. One look and you lose your breath and you just know that you'll never be able to fully breathe again. That's the kind of love we all crave, yet only a small handful of people ever truly experience. The all-consuming, starry-eyed, can't eat, can't think, can't breathe kind of love.

The love that's able to destroy and rebuild and mend and shatter.

The love that evokes pain, laughter, longing, and want.

Love that burns so brightly, you live terrified that one day it will fizzle out.

That's the kind of love I have. Where every day I remember, because the pain of the memories is so much more bearable than never experiencing it in the first place. Experiencing _him_.

One look and my world has reason, but comes crashing down around me. One name that lifts me up, and brings me to my knees. One person who can see through the cracks of my carefully crafted face, that hides my face. One word that is both my beginning and my end.

**_Edward._**


	2. Chapter One: Life's a Bitch

**A/N: Annd.. here we go :) Please review and tell me what you think! I love talking and hearing constructive criticism. I will be switching from past to present, at least in the beginning. I haven't decided whether I'm going to have an EPOV yet or not. Maybe, I'll see what you guys would prefer? **

**Disclaimer: All Characters belong to SM, I just steal them and have my wicked way with them from time to time ;) **

**Chapter One**

**_Before_**

Forks, Washington.

See? Just two words and I already know what you're thinking. Yes, it's as lame as it sounds. Not only because the closest form of entertainment is 30 minutes away, but also because there's only a handful of people that deserve an attention span of more than 3 seconds. Normally, I would include myself in that handful. I'm nothing special. I have dull brown hair that hits just past my shoulders, brown eyes that do nothing to highlight my (not-so) prominent cheekbones, and awkward gangly everything. All this said, I've realized it's in my best interest to be some weird form of a makeup/hair slave puppet to my best friend. The only reason I ever get any attention at all is because of her, and by her I mean…her AND the line of drooling, sweaty high school boys that line the block to talk to her.

Her is also my best friend Rose. She is basically perfection personified. Tall, blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty with boobs that make me scream at mine to grow and feet that are somehow able to withstand hours of stiletto induced torture. She does everything in her power to make me a beautiful social butterfly. Her favorite thing to say to me is "Bella, you'll never lose that cherry unless you put it on display in front of people who like to eat them."

Yes, she sounds like a crass bitch, but she's fiercely loyal, has the perfect shoulder to cry on, and will be the best person I've known, until my last breath. It also helps that she isn't afraid to stick her stiletto so far up your ass that you won't walk straight for a week.

Where Rose is my shoulder, my brother Emmett is my rock. Literally speaking. He's 2 years older than me, and has the body of an oversized gorilla with the muscle mass of Arnold Schwarzenegger. He can be extremely intimidating, and has the mind of a 10-year-old. Over all my years, no matter how many pranks he pulls or infuriating things he does, one dimple filled smile and all is forgiven.

Jasper's a newer addition to our group. He and his mother moved from Texas to get away from an abusive father/husband. The second he sat down in that chair next to me in English Lit, picked up a pen I dropped, winked and called me _darlin_', I knew it was destiny. Destiny… as in, you're the cookie to my monster, the tickle to my Elmo, big to my bird type of way. I love him like a brother, and kiss him like my imaginary boyfriend that I had when I was 5.

Alice is Jasper's other half as well as my other best friend. She is drama and love and light. She is everything that you never knew you always needed. She is the espresso to my macchiato. Ya' dig? She validates my crazy in a way that no one else can come close to touching.

And then there's Edward. Edward is… was… Edward **_is_**. I would try to describe him, but there aren't enough words in all the languages to express the myriad of god-like perfection that is Edward. He's tall, brooding, gorgeous with his bronze hair and his emerald-green eyes, but then he's also mysterious, funny, and extremely stubborn. He's everything I've ever wanted, and he's all mine, body heart and soul.

**_After_**

I pulled my blanket closer around my shoulders and sighed, staring out of the window. These hospital chairs were uncomfortable. I'm not surprised people stopped visiting me if this is the torture they had to endure. How could this be real? Is this my life now? Silently staring out of windows, thinking about how things could have been? Even after I'm gone from the hospital, it won't matter. Everything has changed. I close my eyes and let a tear silently drip down my cheek, off my chin and into my lap. Silently crying, I remember.

_Both Edward and his sister Alice moved to Forks when I was 14, into a house three doors down. I saw them move in from my bedroom window, hiding behind the curtain, too scared and nervous to actually ever say anything to them. I knew all about them of course. Alice was 12 and Edward was 16. They moved from Chicago, and their family was beautiful. _

_The day I met them was the best day of my life. I gained a best friend that day, and I found out that not all boys are like my brother. THANK GOD. _

_Emmett was playing basketball and I was dancing on the sidewalk. Correction, I was giving everyone the honor of watching me dance on the sidewalk. Emmett stopped dribbling and turned, rolling his eyes. "Bella! Every time you move you distract me with your awkwardness! You're doing it on purpose. Stop being such a bitch and get out of my face!__ " _

_I startled and looked up from my very important task, annoyed that he lacked the understanding of how awesome my dance moves were. I scoffed and narrowed my eyes at him. "Em, distraction is a part of life and Life's a bitch, so shut up and learn to take it. I'm bored, there's nothing to do, and you're supposed to be watching me, per instruction of our father. Not that I need a babysitter. I AM 14 now." I crossed my arms, dissatisfied that my dad still thought I was a little girl. Regardless, Emmett had no choice but to let me stay. _

_"Excuse me…" Emmett and I both turned to the sound of the tinkly voice. Our new neighbor Alice had 2 popsicles in her hands and a HUGE smile on her face. She stretched out one of the popsicles towards me "I thought we should be friends. I'm Alice! I Love your dance moves!" FINALLY, someone else who gets it. I slowly put my hand out to take the popsicle, finally smirked and looked up at Emmett, asking silently for permission. She looked between Emmett and me. "My big brothers home too. He's 16 and playing his new Tony Hawk game. I'm sure he'd love some company."_

_Emmett's eyes got huge. I knew he was waiting for mom and dad to let him buy that game. He dropped the basketball, grabbed my arm and put on his charming smile. "Well Alice, we'd LOVE to!"_

_We walked into the house and it was like something out of a catalogue. Chocolate browns, beiges, tans. Crystal chandeliers, princess staircases and perfectly askew blankets on couches. Elegance at its finest. I was in such awe, I didn't realize Alice and Emmett were gone. I didn't hear someone walk up behind me. _

_"__Well, I guess I was wrong."_

_I turned, shocked by the sultry voice, and embarrassed at being caught staring, my cheeks burning a bright pink. This couldn't be Alice's brother. This was no big brother I've ever seen. He was so… tall and strong looking. His hair was bronze and tousled to perfection. His emerald green eyes danced. The god-like boy smiled at me, his eyes twinkling. He cocked his head to the side and looked me up and down. _

_"__Turns out my parents OCD tendencies and flare for wealth ARE good for attracting something worthwhile." _

_With that he turned around and walked into the living room, leaving me standing in the entrance, my mouth hanging open. This time, I was in awe for an entirely different reason._

And that was that. One look into his green eyes and I knew that I would never look at another pre-pubescent boy again. I would never look at any boy again.

As the years went, and voices cracked, and things sprouted up where they had never been before, it never faltered. It never swayed to any temptation. It was strong, and present, and all-consuming. That was my love for Edward. That was Edwards love for me. I thought that it would never change, and we would get the fairytale life that people only dreamed about. However, I quickly learned that what you think is going to happen, is generally never what does.

More tears slip down my cheeks. There's no controlling them now. The onslaught of what to me, are memories of yesterday come at an alarming rate.

My birthday. Rose and Alice fighting over who was going to be the DD. Alice losing, rolling her eyes, sighing and putting her hand out for the car keys. Edward laughing, kissing, putting a bracelet around my wrist that sparkled with gems of the past and diamond encrusted promises. Alice deciding to take a couple of "harmless shots" anyway. Alice losing control of the car. Darkness.

Wiping away my tears, I look out the window again. Everything looks the same, the cars aren't different, the buildings are the same. Life goes on. It's amazing how this is the first time I truly understand what that phrase means. I think back to the past hours I've been awake. I think about the fresh memories that I'm trying to avoid.

I've been told that I was in a car accident and that I have suffered from severe cranial damage that caused me to go into a coma... that I was never expected to wake up.

Except, I just did. 10 years later.

I guess life's a bitch and it's time to shut up and take it.


	3. Chapter Two: Where's Edward?

**A/N: A huge shout out to my first reviewers, followers, favoriters :) I'm glad you're enjoying it so far, and I hope it lives up to your expectations! I'm going to be completely honest, I don't have this story finished and I Have no idea where it's going to go. That's part of the fun for me.. letting the characters morph and grow on their own. That being said... I'm done. I'll let the characters speak for themselves. Love, Love, Love. **

**DISCLAIMER: All Characters belong to SM, I just steal them and have my wicked way with them from time to time ;) **

**_Chapter Two _**

**_After_**

It seems like hours later. I have now been subjected to endless torture of "how many fingers am I holding up?" "Do you know your name?" "Do you know what year it is?"

"_3…..Isabella Marie Swan….. 2007"_

This last one, this last question is _the_ question.

I've been trying to get them to shut the fuck up for hours, and finally I have what I want.

Silence has never been so deafening.

After a moment and a strangled cough later, the only thing I can hear is the scratching of their stupid fucking pens on their stupid fucking clipboards, meanwhile, all I want are some answers.

Where is Edward?

Where is anybody?

I sit silently as they explain to me everything I've already been told. Yada yada …car accident. Yada, yada… brain damage. Yada, yada…. Miracle. That's right, they are calling me a miracle. As if I care about any of it.

As if they care.

Every time I talk, they stare through me like I'm some silly little child who won't ever understand.

They don't realize that I do understand. I understand everything that matters. I understand that I'm all alone. I understand that I have nothing, I _am _nothing.

**_Before_**

"Bella and Edward sittin' in a tree…"

"Shut UP, Rosalie!" I turn around and growl at my best friend. Rosie thinks she's so funny, swinging away in that porch swing, singing that stupid song. She KNOWS how much Edward makes me blush, but she keeps on doing things to embarrass me anyway! I look over at Edward, trying to hide my blush by letting my hair hang over my face. He just smirks at me while he lights a cigarette.

"K. I. S. S. I. N. G!" Giggling like a mad woman, Rosalie jumps out of her porch swing and runs away, just missing the shoe I throw I at her.

Edward smiles and looks at me. "It is rather juvenile, don't you think? She is 15 after all. I remember Alice singing that when she was 7."

Blowing the air out of my cheeks, I look up at him. "welp, that's my best friend Rosie. Always acting how she shouldn't be acting, I guess. Although, my dad would say we're still kids. Might as well be juvenile while we still have the excuse."

Quirking his eyebrow, he just stared at me.

"I'm not a kid." He states.

"Oh no?"

"No way. I'm a man. I have man feelings."

I giggle-snort and push his shoulder.

"I'm serious Bella. The way I feel, the things I feel, Bella, they aren't very kid like."

"Oh." I stumble over my words. I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure he's making some sort of declaration, and his eyes just got so dark and they're sucking my soul straight out of my body. Surely, if I don't lighten things up I will die in his gaze. "Well then, go ahead big man. Go forth and prosper! Grab your man feelings and go!"

I waved my hand in the air towards the street. I leaned in close and whispered "Just tell me one thing before you leave us lowly juveniles. Why do you waste your time with the likes of me, when I'm just a measly kid?"

I look up at him with a smile, expecting a witty response. Instead, he's shaking his head, as if he's trying to clear his mind and he pinches his nose like he has a headache.

"No, Bella. You aren't a kid. You are so much more than some kid." He pauses to inhale a hit of his cigarette. After what feels like a century, he slowly exhales, letting the smoke swirl out of his nostrils and around his face. I'm silent. I'm not stupid. I don't want to break whatever spell he must be under. He looks at me, his gaze burning a hole into my mind, and through my body. Then he says two words that change me forever.

"You're everything."

**_After_**

**_Beep…..Beep….Beep…Beep_**

Interestingly enough, the beeping noise is now my only solace in an otherwise quiet room. It's been four days since I woke up. Four days of lying in the same hospital bed, not knowing anything except that my family is nowhere to be found.

Edward is nowhere to be found.

Four days for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm alone. I have no one. I am nothing.

I hear the door open and I don't bother opening my eyes. Probably another stupid nurse coming to remind me of the fact that I'm the luckiest person they have ever known. I close my eyes tighter, bracing myself for the obnoxious screeching that is sure to come.

Silence.

3 minutes. 5 minutes. 10. I'm terrified to open my eyes, to get my hopes up, just for them to shatter.

Finally, someone speaks, and I swear to god it's the single best voice I've ever heard in my life.

"They told me you were awake, and I couldn't believe it. I still don't believe it." I keep my eyes closed still, afraid when I open them my dream will fade away.

"Look at me brown eyes. Let me see what I've been missing all these years." I take a deep breath in and slowly turn my head toward the door. I give a watered down version of a smile and let out a sigh of relief. I can't help but to wipe at the tears that show up out of nowhere. The smirk that my eyes are greeted with takes my breath away.

"I'm sorry it took me so long."


	4. Chapter Three: 1 is the loneliest number

**A/N: I love all of you for your reviews, follows and favorites! :) Thank you, thank you! I hope you like this chapter. I just want to make a couple points: 1.) There will not always be both a before and after in every chapter. Some might be all in the past, and some all in the present. I don't control where they take me, I just write 'em. 2.) This story is rated M for a reason. There could/will be language, sex, drugs, blood and whatever else I want to put in it. If this bothers you, don't read it. :) 3.) All mistakes are my own, obviously. I'm beta-less and left to my own devices... that's really all that needs to be said. :) 4.) I really like making smiley faces. :) See you at the bottom! **

**DISCLAIMER: All Characters belong to SM, I just steal them and have my wicked way with them from time to time **

**Chapter 3**

**_After _**

_"__Rose"_I creaked out.

I say this simple word, but it's filled with so much relief. A huge smile breaks out over my face.

"Well don't just stand there! Come over here and sit down! Talk to me."

I gesture wildly at the chair next to my bed. I'm so excited to see her that I don't pick up on the tension that's permeating the air.

Slowly, she walks over, sits down and grabs my hand. I watch as her smirk disappears and her eyes flash with emotion.

"I'm so mad at you." She closes her eyes and shakes her head. "So, so mad. You fucking left me and I thought I was never going to see you, or talk to you …or-or fucking be near you again."

She pauses and I scoff at her.

"I'm glad to see some things never change. Rosalie Hale! Still the most important person in Rosalie Hales world." I wave my arm around the room nonchalantly, mocking the princess like stature that radiates from her. I turn my head back towards her, after my display of elbow-elbow-wrist-wrist with a satisfied grin.

"Oh, don't give me that shit Isabella. I'm not the selfish one here. I've been here since day mother fucking one. I love you brown eyes and I would do anything for you, but you really piss me off with your "I'm gonna sleep for 10 years and wake up happy, and without a care in the world bullshit, like this doesn't affect anyone else."

It takes exactly one second for my mood to change. My blood boils, and my fists clench the crisp hospital sheets.

"How. Fucking. Dare. You." I whisper. I can feel that my eyes have narrowed in fury. Rosalie's mouth is partially open, whether from shock or from her anger, I'm not sure.

"You think that I'm_ HAPPY _right now? That I don't have a care in the world?"

Rose scoffs, crosses her arms and quirks her eyebrow.

"Did you know that I can't sleep?" I close my eyes and give a heartless laugh.

"I can't _sleep_ Rosalie, because I'm terrified that I won't wake back up. Or how about the fact that I'm now 32 years old and don't have any memories past my 22ndbirthday."

I pause and look up at her. She's staring blankly, but a tear is rolling down her cheek.

"You know what? No. How about the fact that I can't fucking breathe, due to the thousand pounds of crushing agony I feel, every time I think about how it took 4 FUCKING DAYS for my best friend to come see me."

My voice cracks, and I reach my hands up to wipe the tears that have escaped in my anger. My voice is steadily getting louder with every sentence, and my heart is racing but at this point I'm at the point of no return.

"Maybe, you can tell me why I've been shattered into a million pieces, even though just yesterday I was whole. Yesterday, I had my family and my friends. Yesterday, I had arms wrapped around me that were supposed to keep me safe. Arms that belonged to a man who owns not only my heart, but my fucking _SOUL. _ Which is really unfortunate, due to the fact that he is currently MIA. No Rosie, you must have confused my happiness with the inability to process the fact that my whole life has been ripped away from me."

By the end of my rant, I am out of breath and my cheeks are splotchy from the avalanche of salty tears. I grab Rose's hand and squeeze.

"I get that you're upset. I'm sorry that this happened, but if all you're really here for is to walk in, and have the audacity to tell me how pissed off YOU are at the world…then why are you even here?"

At this point, Rose's head is hanging down, her long curly blonde locks hiding her face. I can hear her sniffling, trying to keep it together. She looks up at me, her eyes glassy from the tears that are threatening to spill over.

"Bella, I just-I'm scared, okay? I'm worried that you're going to- that you're.."

I can't help but to interrupt.

"That I'm going to, what exactly? The nurses and the doctors all treat me like a porcelain doll, I don't need you to see me as one, too."

She starts to speak so quietly that I can barely hear her.

"I'm worried that you're going to expect things to go back to how they used to be. It's been 10 years, Bella. Things are different. Everything, really. I just want to make sure that you're prepared to deal with what this all really means. Your smiles and your laughter, it scares me." She sighs and sweeps her hair to the side, over her shoulder. A flash of something on her neck catches my attention.

"Rose, what happened to your neck?"

She has a slight smile as she fingers the scar, that I can now see runs from her jaw all the way underneath her collar. Her eyes are unfocused, and I realize she's remembering.

"It happened so long ago, I forget that it's even there. This is from the car accident, the same one that put you here. I was luckier than you, I was wearing my seat belt and it kept me from being ejected from the car. Gave me a nasty cut, but it could have been worse."

I feel a pang in my chest at what she says. I know she didn't mean it, but I can't help feeling like the "worse" she's talking about is directed towards me.

"Where is Ed-everyone else? Did anyone else get hurt? Are they all okay?"

I pick at my fingernails and try to act like my heart hasn't stopped beating with the anticipation of her answer. I'm hoping she didn't hear my stutter, but even if she didn't, I'm sure we both know who I'm really asking about.

She sighs and pats my hand.

"Everyone is fine. Perfectly healthy. There were lots of broken bones and nasty gashes, but you definitely got the worst of it. Let's not talk about this right now! There will be plenty of time to figure everything out, just know that everyone is okay." I know she isn't telling me something, because she keeps her eyes from meeting mine.

"Rose, I'm going to ask you something and please. _Please. _ I just need to know. You know that I need to know. If you've ever loved me at all, if you ever want me to find peace, I need to have some clarity, because nothing so far has made any fucking sense. Please."

She squeezes her eyes, praying that I'm not going to ask the question that we both know I'm going to ask, and she nods her head.

I take a deep breath in.

"Where is Edward?"

She stands up and paces for an eternity. Finally, she stops at the foot of my bed. She takes a deep breath and turns toward me.

"Bella, things are so different now. So, so different. Losing you, it changed all of us. We lost touch. We went separate ways, we've lived separate lives."

I blink at her in shock. There's no way that's true. My friends? No, not them. We were unbreakable. Life long, Saved By the Bell type of shit. This has to be their idea of some sick joke. I decide to move on from that fact, until I find out what I really want to know. I keep staring at her, waiting for her to answer my question.

"I'm not sure where Edward is, Bella. If I had to guess, I'd say he's probably at home."

I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. So, he was okay. That's all I could really ask for. I try to ignore the growing pain in my chest at the realization that he isn't here, purely by choice. I focus back in on what Rose is saying. She stops talking and stares at me incredulously, waiting for a reaction. I cock my head to the side and shrug my shoulders.

"What?" I ask.

"Did you not hear what I Just said?"

"Yeah, he's probably at home. I mean, I know it's not the ideal situation for me Rose, but at least I know he's alright. That's all I can really ask for, right?"

"No that's-that's not what I said. I mean-it is, but... Edward's at home Bella, with his wife."


	5. Chapter Four: Lets Pretend

**A/N: Hi ya'll! I'm back :) I am loving all the reviews, and so glad that everyone seems to be enjoying it so far! I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to be switching POV's back and forth between characters often and won't promise one way or the other. I let the characters evolve on their own and when they have something to say, I let them say it. This person had a whole lot to say. ALL mistakes are mine. Obviously. **

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to SM, I just steal them to have my wicked way with them from time to time. **

**Chapter 4 **

**? POV**

**_After_**

I'm a planner, a plotter, a fixer, a perfectionist. I always have been and I always will be. Maybe, that's why, when I'm standing in line at Starbucks, I'm plotting all the different ways I can beat the guy that's at the counter over the head.

I could use my shoe, but that would be a waste of a good Jimmy Choo.

I could always go for the chair method, but that would cause me to lose my spot in line, and I'll be damned if the indecisive, stuttering buffoon is going to waste any more of my time.

By my time, I really mean Tanya's time. She's getting married today, and it's my job to cater to her every need. I'm her assistant after all, and if I don't get caffeine to her STAT, she'll chew me up and spit me out before you can say the word bitch. Which she is. A huge one actually, but I digress.

Finally, after what could have been half a Venti's worth of macchiato later, I see the offender reach in his back pocket, pull out his wallet, and pay for the drink that took him 5 minutes to decide on. I notice a flash of his plain gold wedding band, and I scoff. What person in their right mind would make THAT horrible decision? It makes me lose faith in humanity to think that this is what people find attractive. I mean, let's be honest with ourselves. Who wants a man who can't even decide on fucking coffee?

Maybe I'm being too harsh on the guy. He is rather pretty, now that I can get a good look at him. Smirking, I wonder how he proposed. I bet it took him years to decide on how to phrase the question. Sighing, I roll my eyes and shake my head, snapping myself out of my pre-coffee mode. I strain my neck to look around the shelves of hipster cd's, and see only two other people left in line ahead of me. Hopefully, decision making is a strong skillset of theirs. I'm already running late as it is, and Tanya is probably in a horrible mood. Let me rephrase-Tanya is always in a horrible mood.

I feel a buzzing on my side, and it takes me half a second longer than it should to realize that it's my phone.

"Shit." I frantically open my purse and dig through it, trying to find the stupid thing. Why I use a big ass purse is beyond me. I know, with certainty, that anything that enters has a 50/50 chance of being found again, yet I still pick these gigantic lost and found bags, because of the way they _look._

After 5 chapsticks, 3 tampons, a piece of paper, 2 hair ties, about 4 million bobby pins and 3 things I forgot I even owned, I find my phone.

"YES!"

I shout this while simultaneously throwing my still ringing Iphone in the air, waving it around in glory. I am thrilled beyond belief, and take a quick look around only to realize that nobody else is recognizing my amazing victory. My smile disappears because I've just realized that I look like an idiot. My cheeks heat up with embarrassment and I look down at my now silent phone.

**1 Missed Call. Tanya. **

Well, damn.

Quickly, I hit the call button.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I hear the screech on the other line, and my whole body instantly recoils.

"I'm so sorry Tanya, some idiot at Starbucks took 20 minutes. I'm on my way right now. Ten minutes, I promise."

"Five minutes and not a second more. I can't believe you wouldn't call to tell me you were running late on such an important day! The biggest day of my life! It's 6:30 in the morning already, and I needed you here an hour ago."

I pull my phone away from my ear and stare at it with an incredulous look. She hung up on me. Not that I'm surprised. I'm sure that the fine people of Starbucks all think I'm certifiable at this point. This is because I can think of no better way to handle my anger than shaking my fist, and whispering "_fuck you AND your five minutes" _to the dark screen of a phone. I hear a forced cough behind me and I look up to see that it's my turn at the counter. I sheepishly smile at the angry man behind me, and turn to place my order. After 5 ridiculously overpriced orders are paid for and received, I make my way to what is sure to be the longest day of my life.

**_Before _**

_"__Where do you picture yourself after college?" Bella asks. _

_She's laying on her back with her head hanging off the edge of her bed, reading cosmopolitan. I look up from reading mine, and give her a confused look. _

_"__What do you mean? I'm sure I'll be just like my mother. Wearing dresses and pearls, kissing my loving husband and making peanut butter sandwiches for my kids." I smirk at her, because we both know that I'm full of shit. I don't want to be anything like my mother. _

_My mother is nothing short of The Stepford Wife. She hides behind home cooked meals, apple pies and luncheons with the other neighborhood wives, where they talk about how great their life is, and ignore the fact that their husbands are off fucking secretaries. _

_Let's not even get into the cluster fuck that is my father. Sure he gives me the pats on the head, along with the "honeys" and "sweethearts", but he doesn't fool me. I hear the way my mother cries at night when she thinks no one can hear. I see the way she uses cover up to hide the bags and the bruises. I smell the cheap perfume he reeks of every time he walks in the door. It pisses me off, because he doesn't even try to cover it up. He might as well walk in with the tramp attached to his dick, while he hums Akuna Matata and asks "What's for dinner?" _

_It's revolting. He doesn't love my mother, he loves his whore on the side, and I can't for the life of me figure out why she does nothing about it, except pretend. _

_She pretends she's happy. _

_She pretends he doesn't love that whore. _

_She pretends that he gives a damn. _

_She pretends that it doesn't bother her that she's his second choice._

_Bella giggles and throws her magazine at me. Sitting up, she stares at me quizzically. _

_"__I just don't get it. Why would you NOT want to get married? I mean, I understand that your parents are hardly setting a great example… but don't you want to find that one person who you love so much that you can't imagine your life without them?" She dramatically clutches her heart and falls back onto the bed. _

_I snort. "Yeah, right. You act like suitors are lined up at my door. Not everyone has an Edward, Bella. I'm lucky enough to have found you, Rose and Alice when we started college. I'm not going to push my luck by wishing for a guy, too." _

_"__You're ridiculous. You're gorgeous." _

_"__Be serious, Bella." I roll my eyes and tuck my hair behind my ear. _

_"__I am serious, damnit! You can't tell me you don't realize how gorgeous you are. Look in the mirror, woman. Long strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes. Big boobs. You. Are. A. hot. Piece. Of. Ass." _

_She stops for a moment and puts her finger in the air, like she's had a revelation. _

_"__In fact, I think I might be jealous. Yep, not to mention that you're the smartest, funniest, most sarcastic bitch I've ever known, and any man would be lucky to have you!" _

_With that she jumps off the bed, smacks my ass and walks out the door. She walks back in three minutes later. _

_"__Sorry, had to make a grand exit to prove my point." She nods her head and crosses her arms. Satisfied that she's convinced me, she flops back on the bed, and starts to read her magazine again. I look back down at my own magazine, but my thoughts are elsewhere. _

_"__Don't worry." Bella says, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I'll make sure you get the full wedding experience when you're planning mine! Maybe that will change your mind." _

**_After_**

I'm pulled out of my memories by the knock on my car window. Tanya's wedding was the most exhausting experience of my professional and personal life combined, and I have no idea how long I've been sitting in my driveway. Looking around, I can see the sun has set and the stars are out. Weddings always do this to me. They always remind me of things I'd rather not remember.

I used to think my mother was so weak because she wouldn't leave my father. I hated the way she would look up at him with doe eyes while he had lipstick stains on his collar. She idolized him until her dying day.

It's been 8 years since she died and I wish I could tell her how sorry I am for judging something I couldn't comprehend. I would tell her that I understand her now. I get it. She loved him so much that she would take any piece she could get, no matter how small that piece was.

I turn off my car and open the door to get out.

"Hey, what are you doing out here? It's freezing, come inside where it's warm."

I smile up at my husband and soak in his features. Even after all this time, his smile still takes my breath away. He brushes the back of his hand against my cheek and gives me a soft, chaste kiss. He starts to pull back, but I reach up and grab his shirt to pull him back in. I lightly nibble on his lower lip until he opens up and I swipe my tongue against his. Suddenly, we're all hands and rough and passion. One hand is gripping my waist and the other is cupping my cheek, as he pushes me up against the car with his body. Breaking the kiss, he trails kisses up my jawline towards my ear.

"I missed you today." He whispers into my skin. I grab his hand and squeeze lightly. He smiles softly, and leads me inside.

I'm a planner, a plotter, a fixer, a perfectionist. This is who I always have been, and always will be. Maybe, that's why I pretend.

I pretend that it doesn't bother me when he stares off into nothing with a vacant, haunted look.

I pretend not to notice how certain smells or songs make his whole body go rigid.

I pretend that he loves me.

I pretend that I'm not his second choice.

I pull his hand and force him to turn around to face me, and I reach up to trace my fingers along his jaw. I sigh and lean into him, relishing in his touch. He put his hand under my chin and lifts my head up, so I'm staring into his searching eyes.

"Everything okay?" He asks.

I give him a kiss and smile, pushing down my emotions and locking them away.

"Yeah, everything's perfect."

I stand on my tip toes and wrap my arms around his neck to give him a peck on the lips.

"I love you so much, Edward."


	6. Chapter Five: Sunshine

**A/N: :( :( Oh my lord you guys. I have missed you all soo much! Have you missed me? I'm so sorry about the delay in posting! My computer completely crapped out on me and it took my genius computer guy FOREVER to fix it! Worst part? He wasn't able to save ANYTHING from my old computer. Every chapter of this story that I had written has been lost. SYANORA! I was devastated. I've been working nonstop re-writing as much as I can, but I can't wait any longer to post. I feel like I'm letting everyone down if I do. Please, please, pleeeeease forgive me for how long this took. **

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**Edwards POV**

I hate the night. When there's night, there's darkness. It's different from what it probably is for you, from what it is for most people. For me, the sun's a shield. It's bright enough to block out bad thoughts, bad memories. During the day, the birds chirp, the lakes glisten and the warmth makes me feel like maybe there IS still some beauty left in the world. When the sun starts to disappear, that's when the memories haunt me. The darkness creeps up and around me, until I can't see, and my shadow? It doesn't even exist anymore. The sounds no one else can hear, the rusty smells that can't be smelled, the screams that are my nightmares…and no matter what I do, no matter how much I drink, or smoke, or fuck, they just refuse to disappear.

The sound of heels on hardwood bring me out of my memories. I have never been happier for my distraction, and what a beautiful distraction she is.

Beautiful and fuming.

"EDWARD. I cannot believe you. You promised you would go with me. It's a family trip that's been tradition since forever. Every year we go, and every year you have an excuse. I don't get it, it's Disney World for god sakes. We go, my sisters' kids have fun, the kids go to bed...we have fun. Plus, it might make my father hate you a little less!"

I scoff at her. "Yeah, fat chance."

"Please honey, be the husband I know you are, and be part of my family, for once."

I sigh deeply, pick up her left hand and kiss her over her ring finger. The cool metal of her wedding ring is comforting, which is what I need right now, since my mind is threatening to open its gates to the past.

Just like that, I'm decided.

I am a going to be a good husband, I am going to go to this stupid place, on this stupid family trip and support Angie.

I love my wife.

I love my wife, and I will go, for her.

I… will…. Go.

Yeah, it still doesn't help, no matter how many times I repeat it in my mind. I don't give a fuck what those new age books say, mantras don't work worth a shit. It's while I'm sitting down at the kitchen table and running my hands tirelessly through my hair, I realize how tired I am…and how much I don't want to deal with this…. and that I'm a shitty husband.

Damn, isn't that a horrible thing to know about yourself?

I would love to go to Florida. I know I should be there. I want to be there. What my wife fails to understand is that I physically cannot make myself. It will take me to a place that I refuse to go. A place where I vowed to never go again, to the person I vowed to never be again. The person I left behind, with her. Always and forever.

Bella.

* * *

**Before**

"GAHHHHHH! LETS GO, LETS GO, LETS GO!"

I groan and stretch my arms above my head. I crack open my eyes, and see Bella jumping on the bed. Her hair is crazy curls and topped with mickey mouse ears. She is wearing a a shirt that says "Not much of a donkey" and has, I kid you not, CHECKERED Goofy pajama pants. She closes her eyes for a minute, and I smirk when I realize that she hasn't realized that I'm awake.

Slowly, I reach my arms and grab her around her waist to pull her down into bed. She shrieks, and I swear to god even her scream makes my stomach flip. Yeah, call me sappy all you want. Have you met my girl?

She bounces and sinks down into the comforter and rolls on her side, brushing the hair out of her face. She has the biggest smile I've ever seen, and her eyes are sparkling with excitement. She's brighter than the sun.

"Morning." She whispers, as she reaches out to cup my cheek.

I respond by running my hand down her face and leaning in for a kiss. She sighs, and melts into me. I break the kiss, and with my hand twisted in her hair, lean her head slightly to the side.

"What a beautiful morning, indeed." I whisper back. I feel her skin break out in goosebumps as I lightly trace my other hand down her arm.

"I have to be completely honest when I tell you, that you look absolutely delectable as Mickey. In fact, I don't think I've ever appreciated Walt Disney as much as I do now."

She looks up at me through her lashes and smirks.

"You can show me how much you appreciate me later, Ed. There are castles to see and butterbeer to be had!" With that she jumps up and starts bouncing, again.

"Well by all means, then! Let's not keep Harry waiting!" I jump up with her for a second before tackling her back down, grabbing her sides and tickling her until she begs me to stop.

I make fun of her obsession with Disney World , but I get the significance.

"Aren't you getting a little old to be wearing Goofy pajamas and watching fairy tales? You've gone to Disney World every year since you were 5, and you still can't get enough."

I laugh as I pull at her by her pajama pants and into my lap.

She closes her eyes and hums for a moment. "No Ed. Disney is sparkles and shimmer, glass slippers and castles. Smiles and laughter, singing and dancing. No worries, no troubles, no enemies. Everything is happy, warm. Innocent."

She turns her head to look at me. She strokes her thumb under my eye, and pecks me on the lips.

"Plus, it's just fucking awesome!" With that, she jumps up, throws on jeans and winks, while shouting that she'll see me downstairs, and that I have 10 minutes.

I sit on the edge of the bed and smile, shaking my head. I'll never find another Bella, that's for sure. She's been waiting for us to take this trip for months. I don't see the appeal, but anything to make Bee happy is worth it to me.

After I brush my teeth, shower and get dressed, I head downstairs. I look around for Bella and finally find her standing at the front desk, leaning casually against it, talking excitedly to the receptionist. Her hands are flailing like she's proving a point, and her cheeks are flushed the most adorable shade of pink. I walk up behind her, and wrap my arm around her waist.

"Where do you want to go first, pretty girl?"

She stops mid-rant, giggles and says "Cinderella's Castle, of course!"

* * *

**After**

I come out of my thoughts when Angie says my name.

"Edward? Edward. Where'd you go?"

She's staring into my eyes, and I can't stand to see her face when she realizes what I was just thinking about. I turn my head to the side. I hear her sigh, and take in a shaky breath. She knows I'll never talk about it. Not with her.

"Just-Just think about it, Ed. Please?"

I cringe, involuntarily at the use of my shortened name. I tamper down the immediate rage I feel, and hold back the feeling of wanting to tell her not to call me that. I feel guilty, because I can't help but feel dirty after anyone says it. It's gotten better over the years. I've healed, I've grown up, finally been able to move on. I can honestly say that without Angie, I wouldn't be here. She has saved me in more ways than one. I should man up and do this for her. It's just one week, no big deal.

I look over at my wife, while she pours a cup of coffee. She turns around, resting her hip on the counter, both hands around her coffee cup and smiles. "Come on, baby. You say you love me to the moon. Show me. Come to Florida with us."

I swallow heavily, but all of a sudden my mouth is dry. I can't bring myself to speak, so instead I just nod my head and watch as her smile brightens. She's right, I do love her to the moon. In fact, she is the moon. She's the light that shines through my darkness. I wish that were enough-that should be enough.

But how bright can the moon be, when you've already had the sun?

* * *

**Before**

"Finally" I mumble. Bella glares at me and pushes my shoulder.

"What?" I shrug. "We've been walking for hours!"

I grab her hands and stop her.

"Can't we just..take a minute?" She gets a bewildered look on her face, and looks around.

"What, here? In the middle of the park?" She shrugs.

All of a sudden, Bella's head snaps up. I smile because I know she's hearing the music.

"Do you hear that?" She asks.

I try to keep my smile to a minimum and look around innocently "What?"

"Are they playing Bruno Mars at Disney World?" She is tilting her head to the side, listening to the song that is now playing over the speakers. She smacks me and gasps "OH my god! Look at those people! It's playing Marry Me AND people are dancing?! I think this is a flash mob!"

"What the hell is a flash mob?" I ask her.

"Just ..Watch!" She waves me off, too worried about finding her video camera to bother with explaining to me. More people start dancing, coming out of the audience and down from the castle steps. They're clapping and dancing and moving towards us.

"This is great! They're coming straight towards us! Best video EVER!" She sings, laughing loudly and swaying to the music. After another second, she freezes. I'm not 100%, but I can guess it's probably because she noticed Jasper and Alice just appeared dancing in the front. As did Rosalie and Emmett.

She grabs my shirt and whispers "What the fuck?" under her breath.

More people join in dancing. They are so close to us at this point that if we wanted, we could reach out and touch them. All of a sudden, confetti is thrown and I pry Bella's hand off my shirt and turn to face her. Her eyes get huge and she covers her mouth with both her hands.

"Edward. What the hell are you doing?!" She whisper-shouts. Before I can answer, her eyes are torn away from me. She must see our parents joining in. Tears pour from her eyes.

I reach in my pocket as the music ends, and I grab her hand.

"Bella. I'm not getting down on one knee."

She laughs through her tears, but I can feel her hand trembling in mine. I smile and stop to take in the moment. I lean my forehead against hers and can taste her sweet breath against my lips. I whisper my next words so that only she can hear them.

"I'm not getting down on one knee, but I am asking you to be mine. I can't promise things will be perfect. I can't guarantee that we'll have our happy ever after. But I swear to you, that I will spend every single breath I have trying to make you happy...and when people ask me why I married you? I'll remember this moment. How there are 1000 people around us, and the only one I see is you. How I will only, ever see you."

She lets out a sob, wraps her arms around my neck, and hugs me tighter than I've ever been hugged.

"Yes."

For the first time since I've met her, I'm as in love with Disney World as she is.

* * *

**A/N: So swear the Disney World Flash mob was a real proposal. Look it up on youtube! Had me crying my eyes out. I'm not ashamed! :) Leave me love! **


	7. Chapter Six: Not My World

**A/N: Hi guys! Wow, thank you all so much for the wishes for my computer and for all the support! I'm sorry it's been more than a week, but since none of my hard drive was salvageable, I've had to re-write everything. I wanted to get a few chapters ahead again before I posted, so that I could try and stick to a more regular schedule in the future. Thanks for the patience! Except for you non believers you! :) I promise this story will be finished, no matter how long it takes. I hate when stories I love are abandoned, I know what it feels like, and I will not do that to you. **

**That being said, re-writing an already written/edited story is a pain in the ass! It's so frustrating when you can't get something exactly the way it was before. :( Out of all the chapters I've re-written out, this one was the hardest to get out. Complete writers block. It's definitely one of my shorter chapters because I didn't want to string it out and turn it into shit. The characters just weren't working with me. Luckily, the next few chapters were easier! :) Okay I'm done rambling now. **

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Not yours. Just hers. **

**Chapter Six**

**Bella's POV**

_After_

I'm not a stupid girl. I understand the world well enough, even if it is pretty damn difficult to come to terms with. I get that the world keeps spinning, even if I'm taken out of the loop, that people grieve and mourn, until the pain finally lessens, and they move on...learn to continue living. I know all of this, but it doesn't matter...because this isn't my world.

I can't see, because tears that have unwillingly sprung into my eyes are making everything blurry. I keep wiping them away, but they keep coming back.

I can't breathe, because every time I try to take a breath, the crushing pain of reality caves my chest in.

No…..this isn't my world. I don't belong here.

* * *

_Before_

"Hey Ang, I want you to know how happy it makes me to see that you and Edward are so close."

I put my hand over her arm, to try and help portray my sincerity. I'm smiling so big, it hurts my face, but I can't help it. My life has improved so much since I met Angie. She has quickly become of my closest friends. Where Alice is crazy, and Rosie is bitchy, Angie is...sanity. Anytime I'm on the verge of a breakdown, need somebody to talk sense into me, or be the calm when I'm in a storm, Angie's who I go too. She just...gets me.

"Whatever, bitch. You know I'm only nice because I'm planning on stealing him away one day."

I scoff and push her arm.

"What?! Can you blame a girl?" She smiles and winks. "You know I'm just kidding. You're my best friend Bella, both of you are. You two belong togther, anyone with eyes can see that." She stands up and stretches.

I smile slightly, and drum my nails on the table, getting lost in thought.

"You know Ang, if anything were to ever happen to me... I wouldn't want Edward with anyone except you. I wouldn't trust anyone else to put a smile on his face."

She turns and looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Yeah, okay sport. I'll get right on that." She sarcastically spits out.

"I'm serious! If something happened to me, he would be a mess. There's nobody else who could get him out of his misery, and keep him from throwing his life away. He doesn't smile for anyone the way he smiles for you. I swear to God Ang, it's almost as big as he smiles for me. He deserves that, he always deserves to have that."

I stand up and walk over to her, grabbing her hand in both of mine.

"Promis me, Ang. Promise that if something were to ever happen, that you would take care of him for me. Keep him happy, give him some sunshine."

It's silent as she stares at me with a searching look.

"Yeah, Bella. Sure, if it's that important to you." She whispers.

"It is. Always be his best friend. Okay?"

She nods, clears her throat and turns away.

* * *

After

_**"Edward is probably at home.. with his wife."**_

My breath stops, and my IV laden hand automatically flies up to my chest. All of a sudden, my heart turns against me and sears through my body with unbearable pain. The kind of pain that even after it's gone, will leave behind the worst kind of ache. I look up at Rose who is wringing her hands together, and staring at me like she expects me to break.

In all honesty, I might be breaking.

I open my mouth to speak, but it seems like exerting any energy at all is excruciating. I can't talk, but my mind is racing.

_"No! There's no way Edward would do that if I was still alive... if there was a chance. There has to be some mistake." "Maybe he didn't love me as much as he said he did?"_

_"He deserted me. Left me. Loved someone besides me." With every thought, my pain started to turn into another feeling, altogether. _

_"How dare he." _

_"He should be the one here with me, explaining to me." _

_"_I want to see him."

That one was out loud. My eyes glazed over with determination and an unbelievable fury. How dare he think he could have the best of me, have all of me, just to turn and run into the next willing vagina that opens up to him once I'm not available.

"What?" Rose isn't expecting this reaction, I can tell. Hell, I'm not even expecting this reaction, but I guess I was never really expecting this to happen in the first place.

I narrow my eyes at her and cross my arms.

"You heard me. I want to see him. I want to hear him explain it himself. I want to meet his precious wife." I spit out.

"Bella..." She hesistates, as she starts wringing her hands again. I focus in on the movement, and my eyes narrow even more. Rose is a lot of things, but a hand wringer is definitely not one of them.

"It's not that simple."

"What do you mean, it's not that simple? It IS simple, Rosalie. Him. Here. Now. Tell him to grow the fuck up and be a man. Does he know I'm awake, yet?" I quirk my eyebrow at her waiting for a response.

"No." She whispers.

I lean in closer, acting like I couldn't hear her. How could he not know? Is that why nobody has been here, because nobody has been told? Then how did Rosie know?

"I'm sorry?" I say.

"NO!" She yells out. She seems startled at the volume at her own voice, but she quickly collects herself and continues.

"No, he doesn't know you're awake. Nobody knows you're awake." She starts pacing, and running her hands through her gorgeous blonde hair.

"Well, why the hell not?!" I throw up my hands in exasperation. I'm so confused I could scream.

"Nobody even knows you're alive, Bella."

No. This is definitely not my world.


End file.
